Have you ever felt that life was getting out of hand? That your relationship with GOD was less than what it probably should be?? That you had just kinda settled for now with whatever you could get?? Well that is where I have been lately.... I feel like I have made God second in a lot of my life and mainly for fear of what he may or may not ask me to do however last night and today he has been speaking to my heart and I have to be honest when I say I am soooo glad he has! I have needed this renewal this word from him albeit came from somebody else it doesn't matter it was him none the less. Let me share if i may...
Several months ago well about 8 months to be exact I decided that if I wanted to have children I would be on my own and I would have to have a career that would supply the money needed to do that. I had always loved ciminal justice and was already planning to go in a field with that in mind and was full force pulling towards what I THOUGHT was where I was suppose to go. I had decided NOT GOD MIND YOU but ME that there would NEVER be another man in my life I would never be married again. hmmmmm isn't it funny how when we plan things like that GOD ALWAYS has a better plan? Anyway fast forward to end of Feb/first of march of this past year... I met this guy in a rather weird way but none the less met him.. had NO intentions of falling in love with him or anything GOD had other plans and for almost 6 months we had a long distance relationship. Strange for me because I really don't usually dig long distance relationships to be honest but for some reason this one was working. I at first thought he could be a great friend and than one day it hit me "I AM FALLING IN LOVE" with this man. I literally sat down on the grass and said out loud "SERIOUSLY GOD??? Your going to make me go through this again?" I mean hadn't i been through enough in my last marriage? didn't i have enough pain from that one? and weren't ALL guys the same?? I was at the park with brookie and ryan when this happened and it had been a hot day NOT a single breeze and than suddenly this huge breeze just hit me in the face and I hear God say as clear as a bell "JUST TRUST ME" so I decided to go with it. I trusted him and you know what I found out ALL MEN ARE NOT THE SAME! I think God may have broken the mold when he made chad OR maybe GOD just made him just for me I really don't know but this man proved to me and still proves to me on a daily basis that everything I THOUGHT about men was very wrong and they are not all bad guys. Since that day things just moved along sometimes it seems slowly and sometimes it seemed fast. I won't lie I kinda got so caught up in what was going on I put God on the side burner but my heart has been yearning to bring that part of my life back. He will let me get just so far away and he pulls me back in and boy am I glad! So I am back in GA now and sooo happy to be sooo completely in love with the only man in my life minus my brother-in-law that has never let me down. Matt and Chad are the only two men that have came into my life and never hurt me... Chad has been an answer to such a huge prayer that many times I honestly sit back and try to figure out why GOD felt i deserved this because I do NOT feel worthy at all. I am grateful though very very grateful. So since than I have been plugging forward with school and getting my job lined up here in GA and about two weeks ago I felt something changing and I really really questioned myself in wondering if maybe it was just me. I prayed about it asked GOD to make it clear and he did and now I realize that he has another plan for my life and it is a dream I have many many years ago but gave up on because I didn't think it would ever happen. NOW that dream can come true............My life is going in a new direction and I am ok with that. I don't have to be the most successful as long as my future children and my future husband and even more importantly GOD look at me as a success that is all I care about. Ive let go of doing it alone because GOD has supplied and I don't have too now. Last night and today the desire to grow closer to GOD has been even stronger and today I got up and was reading a blog that I guess I quit reading simply because it hurt for me to read it for so long but as I read it this stuck out in it.
It's from ANGIE SMITH'S blog "bring the rain" and she was talking about her daughter reading from her children's bible about the story of Babel. At the end of the story is said this " God knew however high they reached, however hard they tried, people could never get back to heaven by themselves. People did not need a staircase they needed a rescuer! Because the way back to heaven was NOT a staircase but it was a PERSON!" PEOPLE COULD NEVER REACH UP TO HEAVEN SO HEAVEN WOULD HAVE TO COME DOWN TO THEM!!! How profound a statement and it hit me in the gut!
All this all I have been through in the past 8 or so years the people i have had to remove from my life, the disappointment and pain i have felt and dealt with and the mistake I have made myself and there have been many it all comes down to this one thing "it is all about HIM" IT IS ALL ABOUT GOD! The past is where it needs to be it can't be changed,fixed or corrected and the present is right now and the future is in GOD'S hands I have to trust him and know that he came here for ME so that I could be there with him one day! While I am on this earth I need to live my life to the best of my ability, get my Bible out and start reading it again, praying on a daily basis and getting in church. Trying to live my for what he wants it to be and thanking him for all the blessing he has sent my way. For whatever reason he felt I was worth another try and he felt I deserved another chance to make my dreams come true and I am greatful and from this point on I will do my best to not let him down. I won't be ashamed that my calling is not what I thought it was but something else and I won't be ashamed of who I am. I am created in his image and I will live my life to make him proud. So I sit back today and thank GOD for all he has done for this wonderful man in my life and for the second family God has given me, for the friends that stand by me love and support me and for my mom,sister,brother-in-law and two nephews and niece and my aunt.wanda and granny. I am a blessed woman and it is time I start living like such!
I stand in awe at how good he is to me and I am humbled by his confidence in me and I will do my best to live my life to make him proud. Always,always and always!!!
***link to Angie's blog angiesmithonline.com ***** check it out it's an amazing blog.
With Christ ALL things are possible!Francine
